The Lazy List

I've noticed that whenever I feel lazy about posting, I formulate a list. That's because transitional phrases about nonrelated topics feel cheap and sleazy. So here it is:

1. Vote: Should men leave the toilet seat down or is this archaic? Discuss amongst yourselves.

2. I am in level 2 of hell according to the Dante quiz. Sorry, Eric, I'm just not as dirty as you.

3. Did you know it's impossible to lick your elbow? Did you know that if you tell someone that, the chances are very likely that they will attempt it--either right there, or later, when you're not looking?

4. Why does my bank like to anally rape me every time I maybe, kinda, sorta, SLIGHTLY overdraw my account?

5. Why is "retro" so cool right now? In Kansas City, the Women's Roller Derby , Kickball, and Old-School Wrestling are enjoying a new vogue. That tramp from American Idol is on TV hawking some stupid Hershey's T-Shirts they have the balls to call "Vintage." uh-huh. Since when does old mean cool? And this is coming from a historian, remember.

6. When did I become one of those boring people who plots my weekends with my boyfriend, planning trips to Lowe's, Costco, and other box structures/wastelands? Um, probably when I bought a house, huh? We are actually joining the Kansas City Bungalow Club. I am old now.

7. Why does Adult Swim suck so aggregiously when it used to be so cool? I know it's like a generational hobby to bitch about Adult Swim and yet watch it semi-religiously, but really, what are they doing?

8. Watching Sci-Fi last night, Army of Darkness came on. Ian had never seen it, and I made him watch it to the finish, even though the ending battle had already started. He now thinks I need medication, because he can't understand why I think that, even on TV, even after all these years, even cut up by all the commercials with the worst effects EVER. . .this is definitely one of the best movies ever made. All I have to say is, "Gimme some sugar, baby"!

9. I agree with Eric that ending a random list on a random odd number is cool, so I thought I would randomly bring up the fact (for some reason Army of Darkness made me think of this--I think it's the poor production value) that I have not seen Flesh Gordon in about 10 years and it might be funny to do so at some point.

Peace out muthas!