Big Tits and Tacky Trees

Did that get your attention?

First of all, Shanshu had some fun with some pictures of women who are well-endowed. Then, in the comments section everyone was like, "big boobs suck!" I think it's healthy for people to say implants aren't necessary and do we really want one idea of a female body, yada yada yada. But. . .it made me feel kinda bad.

As someone who is naturally well-endowed, I had to weigh in. first of all, women usually aren't really skinny with huge boobs naturally, but it does happen. I have a friend who now lives out of state, and she is a clothing size 4 with DD's.

I happen to NOT be a twiglet, but I am a size 10 and I recently had my true bra sizing done. Guess what? Instead of the 36DD I was wearing, it turns out I'm a 32 DDD or E depending on if the company is American or European. They don't necessarily LOOK that big (definitely nothing like this picture) but they are large. Like, "I don't wear button-down shirts" large.

People assume that's great. They always make stupid comments like "oh,I'll take some of yours" or "at least you don't have little bee stings like me." The truth is, in this day and age having huge boobs sucks. Here's some things that suck about having a large chest:

1. The back pain. Its no joke. My middle back and shoulders hurt all the fucking time.
2. The indentations from the bra straps
3. The expensive granny-looking bras that are available in my size. I can never wear anything cute and sexy a la Victoria's Secret because the largest size they sell in that store is a D. Same thing for most catalogs. . .the department stores carry my size but only if you don't mind a taupe-colored tapestry bra that looks like something from 1946. I also can't get a good-fitting bra for less than $40.00
4. The fact that I am skinny around the middle but unless I wear really form-fitting clothing, I mainly look fat. Your boobs are just under your face, and if they're big, that's all people see. The don't see your little waist.
5. Natural big boobs, in my exhaustive research from gym locker rooms and the beach, seem to be different in texture and weight than fake ones. Generally, natural ones are, how shall we say, not as. . .firm? Also, they're not so high. They tend to fall under their own weight. The most delicate way I could put this is like a sock filled with sand. Unless you've had a lift (which I desperately want) they fall somewhere around the belly-button without proper support. This leads to 6.
6. I can't wear anything cute. Fashions have moved in a definite small-boob direction. Anything backless or low-cut back? Out. Anything with spaghetti straps or strapless? Out. Anything too low cut in the front? Out. . .it'll show the top of your industrial strength granny bra. Going without a bra? Good god, no! Not even remotely an option. I shopped at Express the other day for a "holiday party" shirt and could literally not find ONE thing in the store that worked.
7. The worst part is, it'll only get worse. I'm 27 now. If I have kids, they'll just get bigger AND saggier. That's hot. If I lose more weight, they'll only get saggier and floppier. If I get older, I mean WHEN I get older, they'll only lose MORE elasticity and be even LESS firm.

So, suffice to say, I am seriously consider reduction/lift or both but have heard lots of pros/cons on both sides. In the meanwhile, I am going to get one of these t-shirts. And wear it:)


On a different note, we put up the tree at my parent's house last night. I am writing in support and honor of the tacky Christmas tree. Here's what we do:

• Put up the same artificial tree we've had for 20 years. It's so bare it looks like a wire frame with some green plastic fuzz at this point.
• String it with every variety of colored, white, large bulb and small bulb lights we can find. Plus a huge lighted star from the '70s (multicolored.) We also have bubble lights from the '50s.
• Hang the tree with red plastic bead garlands, from Hobby Lobby circa 1989.
• Add ornaments. We have several varieties. The first is family craft ornaments. This includes ones made in school, ones the great-aunts made in the '60s from styrofoam balls and sequins, ones made at trips to Kaleidescope. The second is glass Hallmarks ornaments from every year my parents have been married, back to 1969. The third is ornaments from every vacation we've been on and every historic site we've visited. The rest are random things my Mom puts on the tree even if they're not really ornaments to begin with, she just likes to stick them on there. We have four storage boxed of ornaments, three levels deep each, and we put every ornament on the tree. It literally groans from the weight
• Once the ornaments are on, you can no longer tell the tree has no needles left, it's nice and full:) It's the tackiest thing you've ever seen, but to me, it's the most beautiful Christmas tree ever. I want mine to look just like it someday:)

Peace out